The Best People in the World

Sometimes, feeling like I don't fit in, I feel like I missed the mark...like I'm not really hearing right, you know? So it gets confusing. And feeling like by the world's standards, I shouldn't be here. I mean, I have enough support to live, but I'm not living some high-falutin' cushy lifestyle. I don't go to western restaurants very often. Partly because I don't have the money to, but partly because I don't want to. I don't need to.

But also, I'm not with an org or a team. I've been told by some people that they won't support me unless I am with an org. I understand the covering and everything, but...yeah. Not even going to go there. Just never felt that was where He was leading me. I turn to that sometimes, mostly when I'm feeling insecure- maybe I need an org. maybe I should go back for a few years and get with an org. But I don't feel like that's what He's calling me to do. Anyway, it's so easy to feel like I'm not doing things right, my life doesn't look like so-and-so. My pr life, my devo life doesn't look like so-and-so. My mnstry isn't like so-and-so's. I don't have vss memorized like so-and-so. I feel like I'm too simple to be on the field.

But I do feel like He's blssd me with confirmation that I am where I'm supposed to be. I've asked for local friends, and He's given them to me. He's provided for my needs-everything I needed in order to live in this city, where I felt He was leading me. And I feel that there are people that are special to me in my life-like some of the foreigners I've met since moving halfway across the world, a few close college classmates, my local friends that I've met in the cities I've lived in here. I feel like right now in my life, these people that He's given to me... I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I feel like I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. The best people this world has to offer. I feel privileged and honored to have them in my life.

I feel humbled, especially, to know the students that I have...the more I get to know them, the more I feel like "why have You put them in my life? who am i that i could know such amazing ppl, ppl that You've gone to the ends of the earth to bring out of the pit?" And I hope that no matter where He takes me in this world, that these people will still be in my life. Then when I think about this, I feel like I'm too simple, that I'm not skilled enough or smart enough or whatever enough to be here mnstring to these people...or I feel like the biggest, richest, most hoity-toity self-centered jerk in the world. Wow, that seems harsh. But I think I mostly feel that way because of hearing a friend's story recently.

In any case, I know He's got me here for a reason. I don't really know what that reason is, but I feel like He's giving me glimpses...but only glimpses because I'm not ready for the whole picture yet. A friend put it into words perfectly: it could be that it's bigger than I'd ever imagined and if I knew it all at once...I'd go home early.